How Much Honesty Do You Want?

One of the most needed characteristics in a marriage is honesty. Especially for women. In every romance movie, relationship novel, and overheard Starbucks conversation all I hear women talk about is wanting honesty. But can there be such a thing as too much honesty?

Lets say you have a coworker that you’re attracted to and you two been casually talking for a while and you end up catching feelings for your coworker. You find yourself sometimes daydreaming about what it would be like to date them or have sex with them. It’s human nature to think about people around you even if it’s in a romantic or sexual thought. We can choose what our minds focuses on, but if your thoughts about your coworker are becoming uncomfortably frequent then those thoughts need to be addressed.

Does that mean you should tell your partner that you had a sexual thought about someone? If you see an attractive person in public I don’t think that it is necessary to tell your partner that you find that person attractive. But, if you find an attractive person at work and you feel like you two have stuff in common and you find yourself thinking about that person frequently then it is best to have a conversation with your partner if you feel like your thoughts are going to run deeper if you do not address them.

Scenario 1: A married man is in the club with his friends. He is a faithful husband but he gets drunk and starts dancing with a woman. The dancing leads to kissing. He immediately leaves the club and heads home in guilt. Should he tell his wife what happened?

Reasons not to tell is that he did not intentionally break her trust and he knows that it won’t happen again because he does not want to go out to the club again without his wife. So is it necessary to be honest about things that won’t come back to haunt you?

I guess it depends on the type of marriage you have. If you feel like your spouse will divorce you over a drunken kiss then maybe it’s best not to mention it as long you deliberately choose not to put yourself in a situation that will lead to that in the future. If you feel confident that your spouse will be angry at you but appreciate the honesty and make efforts to gain your trust back then telling them is best.

An unnecessary truth is something that no one can do something about. Like me and my wife have been married for a year. She recently told me that the necklace she always wear was given to her from an ex-boyfriend. Would it have made any difference in our marriage if she had never told me? No, because her ex is no longer in her life. My wife has no desire to bring him back in her life. And, she didn’t keep the necklace as a remembrance of what they had, she only kept it because she liked the necklace.

Honesty also has to do with the heart. Lets say your spouse loves a pair of shoes that you think are ugly. The truth would be to tell your spouse that their shoes are ugly every time they wear them. Instead, you can keep your opinion to yourself and let your spouse be happy with their shoes. Sometimes you just have to let people be great.

Keeping the truth from someone can be an act of love and kindness, or it can be an act of selfishness.