This is a question that will continue to be asked for centuries from now because love is complex. Love is always changing and evolving. Love conforms to different generations’ expectations or tries to remain traditional and safe to what elders know what works. I learned something new about love that you don’t have to fall in love with someone to make them the one. In American culture, we expect ourselves to fall in love with someone before we move into a relationship with them, which is called infatuation, a strong desire to be with someone.
When I met my girlfriend about ten months ago, I didn’t fall in love with her. I wasn’t even sure if I was ready to be in a committed relationship, but I knew that she had the qualities that I needed for me as a man and as a Christian to be in a relationship. To never have fallen in love with the person you date is better. If you can fall in love, then you can fall out of love too. It doesn’t matter how attractive your partner is, how committed they are, or whatever. Eventually, the euphoria of falling in love will fade and then you will have to choose to love that person.
Choosing to love your partner is better. Choosing is a choice that you have control over. When you choose to love it is a conscience decision, not just something that happens. Falling in love is an emotion and we cannot control how we feel about someone, so falling out of love is something that will just happen. Choosing not to love someone is a conscience decision, so you will know why you don’t love them, instead of just wondering what happened to the strong emotions you once had.
Often when the feeling of falling in love fades away, we think that something went wrong. Maybe the person I’m with really isn’t the one I’m meant to marry. That’s why it is better to choose someone to date who you feel like has the qualities to be a good future partner, not just someone who fits your attractive agenda for right now.
I realize that it is better to date someone who you can see yourself marrying. Not everyone who looks like they are the bomb.com is someone who is marriage material. I know that physical attraction is the first step to wanting to date someone because that is the first thing you see, but sometimes you can get to know someone who you weren’t initially attracted to. Infatuation usually happens when you’re highly attracted to someone’s beauty, not their personality and character traits. That’s why falling in love can sometimes be dangerous because you’re dating someone for beauty which doesn’t last long.
If you’re in the relationship for the long haul, then physical attraction shouldn’t be high on the list. Yes, physical attraction is important, but it isn’t the most important factor when considering a marriage partner. The fact is no matter how attracted you are to someone there will always be someone else you’re attracted to or someone who looks more attractive. Your partner’s attraction isn’t going to last forever. People age, their bodies change. People gain weight, become ill and lose weight, lose hair, cut hair, and all other sorts of things that change appearances.
When my dad was in his twenties, he had an afro. When he reached his thirties, he started balding in the middle, by the time he reached fifty he completely shaved his head. When my mom was in her twenties, she was slim. Now, in her fifties she has gained significant weight, her hair shortened and grayed some. The fact is, what physical features you find attractive in your spouse now will most likely change in the next decade or so, so don’t allow yourself to stay with someone because you and all your friends think they are hot stuff. Look for someone who not only has a physical attraction but also has a personality and characteristics that make a good lifetime partner. Sure, people’s personality and character traits change overtime too for the better or worse, but that’s the risk you take with dating and marriage.