Experiencing Disapointments.

Disappointment is one of the worst feelings because you’re expecting something to go your way, and the feeling of disappointment is not just the result of something not happening the way you thought it would, but the result of things going completely opposite to how you imagined. 

Divorces are disappointing because most people get married believing their marriage will last until death. A cancer diagnosis is disappointing. It’s not just an aggressive cold that you can overcome with bed rest and medication. For those who have survived cancer, the disease most likely altered their lives forever. 

For adults, disappointments usually have life altering consequences, or at least long term ones. It’s harder for adults to feel disappointed because, as we grow older, we realize how hard it is for things to go the way we want them to. Adults are more adept at hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. 

But for children, disappointments can be much simpler things. Because children are naturally selfish and self-centered, they are less prepared to experience things not going their way. 

And what I mean by not going their way isn’t about them not getting a cookie before dinner. It’s about telling children you’re going to do something and then not following through. 

My pastor has preached many times about how important it is to keep your promises and to keep your word, especially with children who are learning how to trust people by them doing what they say they will do for the child. 

One of my favorite movies growing up was Angels in the Outfield. At the beginning of the movie, Roger is a young kid whose father is absent. When Roger is visited by his father, he asks him when they will be a family again. Roger’s father says, “When the Angels win the pennant.” 

His father said it as a metaphor for the fact that they’ll never be a family again. But to Roger, he took it as a promise. He took his father’s word for what it was – Angels win the pennant, they’ll become a family again.

It would have been better if his father had told him that he had no intentions of even trying to become a family again. 

But when the Angels won the pennant, Roger met his father in court, excited to be reunited. But it’s not the reunion that Roger hoped for. The court hearing was just for his father to confirm that he was giving up custody of his son. 

That was a huge disappointment for a teenager. To have their own father tell them that they would be a family again if this happens, and when it happened, they’re still not a family. That gave Roger grounds not to trust what people tell him. To assume that everyone is a liar until proven innocent. That’s a horrible burden to carry. 

My daughter experienced her first big disappointment at four years old. Thankfully, it wasn’t from her parents. But a week ago, a friend’s grandma told our daughter that she could come over to her house on Sunday with her friend. 

Sunday came around, and our daughter wasn’t going with her friend to her grandma’s house because her grandma had other plans. 

Now, as adults, we understand that things come up and sometimes people just change their minds, which is different than people who are just always flaky. Because instead of the grandma just saying that our daughter couldn’t come over that day, she said that she would come pick her up after her plans. Our daughter sat at home waiting excitedly to be picked up. But the grandma sent a text saying she wouldn’t be able to and that they could plan for another time. 

Our daughter expressed how sad she was for the rest of the night about not being picked up. And we, as her parents, felt disappointed with her. Especially since we already had doubts that the grandma was actually going to follow through with her word. Because it’s not the first time she’s said yes to something only to change her plans later. 

Some people think that a 4 year old would get distracted with toys at home and forget about the plans, but nah. At 4 years old, our daughter anticipated being picked up. Believed that someone was going to do what they said they would do. 

But all is not lost. This situation won’t cause our daughter to lose all hope in humanity. In fact, the following day, she brought it up only once. What’s important is not to make a habit out of telling children, or anyone for that matter, that you will do something if you don’t really want to do it and end up not following through anyway.