Ever since I got in a relationship back in July 2015 I have been asking myself do I want to continue this relationship into marriage, or do I want to break it off and be single. I always envisioned myself being married in my mid-30s. I think that is the average age for most men to marry. On the other hand, I believe most women want to be married by the age of 25 because they fear of being too old to have children.
I’m in a good relationship. I have a woman with many attributes that make her a good marriage partner, but I am still not sure if marriage is something I want now. A part of me feels like I want to be single so I can sleep around. I do have thoughts of what it would be like if I slept with this or that person, but I disregard those feelings when I consider whether I want to be married or not because I know that lustful feelings are only temporarily. If I never learn how to deny my lustful desires then I will never be married because a lustful desire can never be fulfilled; it can only be controlled and denied.
I ask myself can I love this person ten and twenty years from now? As we grow older our attraction changes, our bodies change, our attitudes and personalities change. No one can predict how they will look and act years from now, so just because I’m in love with someone now doesn’t mean I would want to love them years from now. And, that is the responsibility of marriage. You can’t just leave your spouse because their attraction has changed, or loving them has become harder for you.
If you think committing to the military is a huge responsibility then imagine marriage being a 10x bigger commitment. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, or at least, a lifetime is what people hope for in marriage. I know for a fact that no matter how attractive my partner is there will be times I will be tempted to want someone else. No matter how lovable my partner is there will be other people I imagine myself loving. No matter how helpful my partner is there are other people who are just as helpful.
One of my issues are that I look at marriage as a hindrance. Like, if I get married now at 25 I won’t experience getting to know other women, I won’t experience another woman’s body, I won’t learn another woman’s personality, and other things. I understand the joys and benefits of marrying one woman. In marriage, I get to have a seasoned relationship instead of always ordering takeout food by being single. I’m not trying to make being single seem like it is always about sleeping around because that is not what I want to be single for.
I do fear that if I do not marry my girlfriend then I will never meet someone else like her. I also feel like many people get married just because they fear they will never meet someone as good as their current partner. I know if I break up with my girlfriend that I will never meet another woman like her because there is only one her. I can meet other women who share some of the same character traits, career goals, and body features as my girlfriend. But, I can only marry my girlfriend if I want a woman exactly like the one I have now.