This Guy Demands Discipline and Professionalism?

Of all the people to lecture the United States Army on discipline, it’s truly something that the call is coming from Pete Hegseth. So, when I heard the Army was rolling out a new order to crack down on shaving waivers, I had to laugh. The source of this newfound push for “professionalism” is, to put it mildly, a joke.

Pete Hegseth is the same guy who, in 2015, managed to injure a drummer by throwing an axe on live television—a masterclass in professional conduct. This is the same guy whose name came up in the 2023 Dominion lawsuit over election fraud claims and whose colleagues have reportedly worried about his drinking. We’re also talking about the man who has faced accusations of adultery from multiple sources across two marriages. So, naturally, he’s the perfect person to demand that soldiers, especially Black soldiers, get their act together by getting rid of their beards.

Out of 40,000 personnel across the armed forces who have shaving profiles, are some of them abusing the system because they just want facial hair? Of course. There isn’t a system in this world that has 100% integrity. Our own President is a convicted felon so lets not go on a moral trip. 

But the majority of personnel on permanent or temporary profiles have medical necessities, primarily for soldiers with pseudofolliculitis barbae (PFB), a painful skin condition that causes chronic inflammation and scarring. And who does PFB affect most? An estimated 60% of Black men. 

It seems some people are developing a pattern. First, there was a policy targeting the LGBTQ community. Now, a policy that primarily targets the Black community. If the goal is to create an all-white, all-straight fighting force, they’re certainly not being subtle about it.

If Mr. Hegseth insists that we chase this vague specter of “professionalism,” let’s not stop at beards. Let’s get really professional and go after the next obvious target: tattoos. There was a time when a man with a tattoo sleeve was assumed to be in a biker gang, a murderer, or both. If we’re truly committed to this new standard, let’s hit the straight white boys where it hurts and get rid of their ink.

I propose a new, even more professional policy. No tattoos below the elbows or knees. Nothing on the neck, face, or hands. Every single tattoo must be no larger than the palm of your hand and submitted for a panel review to ensure it’s free of racism, sexism, or anything else that might offend our delicate professional sensibilities. It’s only fair.

It’s genuinely baffling that Hegseth, a man who has no connection to this medical issue, is dictating policy on it. Some men simply cannot shave every day without serious medical consequences. A short, well-maintained stubble is a perfectly reasonable compromise. 

Why clean-shaven?

Because we still believe the age-old gas mask excuse that has been scientifically debunked. A study has shown that a 0.125-inch beard still allows for a 98% pass rate on an N95 respirator. Sure, a clean-shaven face gets you a 100% pass rate, but that 2% difference doesn’t guarantee you’ll survive a chemical attack. Do you know what does? Constant, rigorous training. And considering the last time America faced widespread chemical warfare was World War I, one has to wonder if this is truly the top priority for military readiness.If you really want to make the military look more professional, the answer isn’t to create discriminatory shaving policies. It’s much simpler: have soldiers wear their dress uniforms while in garrison. The combat uniform should be for exactly what its name implies—combat and training. Problem solved. No medical conditions targeted, no ridiculous tattoo panels needed. Just common sense.